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At approximately, oh, 7:51 a.m., one thing became unavoidably clear to every unfortunate person who regularly stops by Twitter-dot-com: That today, the sole topic of conversation on the timeline would be the release of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s 400-plus-page report into potential Russian election interference, or wry attempts to distract from its release, which were, arguably, still about the report. While some Twitter users chose to express genuine shock over specific lines (i.e., Trump allegedly saying “I’m fucked” when discovering that Mueller would be the one looking into potential collusion), others tried their hand at writing witty tweets, most of which were … either a little boring or trite or a combination of both.
But not all! A persevering cohort came through with A+ tweets about everything from the heavily-redacted pages to Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein’s unblinking eyes, to whom we are grateful on this day that has felt 20 years long.