Me: I’m so lucky to be your mom.
6: I’m so lucky to have so many legos.
— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) February 25, 2019
Had no idea I would get into so much trouble as an adult until my 3-year-old started saying “but daddy does it” every time she gets in trouble.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 23, 2019
I feel like I’d be a much better parent if I didn’t have to do it every day.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 25, 2019
If you ever wanted to know what it’s like to be continually lambasted by the critics, have kids.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 27, 2019
When I was younger, I wanted to be famous just so others would shout my name when they saw me.
[Kids start screaming for me because they are fighting over one pair of pajamas]
Didn’t think this one through.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) February 27, 2019
My toddler looked out the window today and yelled “There’s a kangaroo in the back yard”
Now experience has taught me that he actually means squirrel. But I still have to go check. Because let’s face it, if there is a kangaroo out there there’s no way I’m gonna miss that sh*t.
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) February 24, 2019
A decoder ring, but for figuring out my kid’s math homework.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 28, 2019
My 4-year-old combing my hair with a broken remote and toy fork, while the 1-year-old constantly stabs my closed eyes while trying to fit toddler sized heart glasses on my adult sized face…upside down.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) February 25, 2019
My husband was telling a long, boring story and my 10 year old interrupted with, “Surprising. But you know what’s not surprising? How much money Matt saved by switching to Geico.”
Anyway, I’m in trouble for laughing too hard.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 27, 2019
My 12-year-old son’s room is such a mess that I’ve installed a parental zip line to get from his bedroom door to his bed and back.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 26, 2019
An epic tale of a hero’s perseverance through spirit-shattering physical agony, except it’s our 8yo telling me about the “boo-boo” on her pinkie.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) February 28, 2019
Today in the terrible 2s:
My toddler will follow me around screaming & demanding I open a bar that I know she does not like.
At some point I will give up and open the bar, at which point all hell will break loose when I do the unthinkable and hand her a bar she HATES.#momlife
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 26, 2019
Person: I’m going to need you to destroy the evidence.
Me: No problem. *gives it to my children*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2019
“Mommy, where we goin?!? You wook so pwetty!!”
– my twins, every time I’m wearing jeans instead of leggings
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) February 25, 2019
Kids have a sixth sense about how to make situations more challenging for their parents.
Giving your toddler a bath? Well try it with a kindergartener climbing on your back.
Cleaning up the living room? They are already destroying their bedrooms.
The possibilities are endless.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) February 26, 2019
Everyone has practice so we can either have dinner at 4:30 or 9:00.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 1, 2019
“If you build it, they will come.”
And destroy it within minutes and then demand a snack.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 25, 2019
Make your future self laugh by telling your present self all the things you’ll never do as a parent.
— InnerMomalogues (@IMomalogues) February 25, 2019
Me watching the Oscars: Haven’t seen it. Haven’t seen it. Haven’t seen it.
Me watching the Kids’ Choice Awards: TEEN TITANS GO WAS ROBBED
— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 25, 2019
A service like Uber except they drive your kids (who are asleep in the car) around and take you to run errands.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) February 26, 2019